- Monday and Wednesday mornings I have Algebra from 10:00 till 11:50 YUCK
- Thursday nights I have a Marketing class.
- Friday nights I have a graphic arts class. I hate night classes
So it's going to be an intresting semester this year. Also last night I helped my best friend move over to Port Huron. Which is about an hour and a half away. I'm happy for him and his girlfriend as they move in together. But I'll admit it I is going to be hard on Friday night, not having him sitting beside me in class. Not having him there to make stupid comments about our teacher or each others work. Not having my partner in crime to look at in class when we take everything wrong and dirty. My best friend on the way home we just argue and every one thinks we must hate each others guts. I love you and will miss you. I hope you are very happy and I WILL SEE YOU ONCE A MONTH. Anyway done with ranting for the day. On to rape.
"Fear, terror, and feeling unsafe. Intense fear may be experienced in many aspects of a woman's life. If you feared for your life or the lives of others during the assault, you may be afraid that the perpetrator will return. You may find that fear and terror become generalized to other areas or to situations that are similar to the assault. There is nowhere that feels safe anymore. When I'm home I'm afraid that someone will break into my house; when I'm out, I'm afraid that I'll be attacked. My guard is always up."
I have these fears everyday. Every time someone touches me I flinch. I hide I retreat. Last week my fiancé and I were running sound for our Wednesday praise and worship service. Because of my wound I still sit in a nice chair and my fiancé was running sound he brushed past me to adjust something and i wasn't ready and my guard wasn't up. I freaked out and shut down. When I shut down I retreat into my phone and I couldn't pull myself out of it for a few hours. So all during church I was on my cell phone. I don't like that I did that. I don't like that I retreat so easily I don't like that he has this much power over me still.
For now on we will be calling my rapist "M"
Dear M,
It has been 6 months since you rapped me. But it still gets worse to deal with the emotional pain. Originally the physical pain was enough to deal with that. But that fades. These emotions these stupidly raw emotions take over my whole life they don't let me allow the touches by the love of my life. Thanks so much just because you wanted a pussy I have to live with this for years? Thanks so much.
Love,
Suz
Thanks,
Suz
I have these fears everyday. Every time someone touches me I flinch. I hide I retreat. Last week my fiancé and I were running sound for our Wednesday praise and worship service. Because of my wound I still sit in a nice chair and my fiancé was running sound he brushed past me to adjust something and i wasn't ready and my guard wasn't up. I freaked out and shut down. When I shut down I retreat into my phone and I couldn't pull myself out of it for a few hours. So all during church I was on my cell phone. I don't like that I did that. I don't like that I retreat so easily I don't like that he has this much power over me still.
For now on we will be calling my rapist "M"
Dear M,
It has been 6 months since you rapped me. But it still gets worse to deal with the emotional pain. Originally the physical pain was enough to deal with that. But that fades. These emotions these stupidly raw emotions take over my whole life they don't let me allow the touches by the love of my life. Thanks so much just because you wanted a pussy I have to live with this for years? Thanks so much.
Love,
Suz
Thanks,
Suz
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