Day 11: 09/23/12

A few things before we get into the blog. 

1. I need to cut back my daily postings. I will be cutting back to around 5 posts a week. In all honesty that is what has been happening the last few weeks. I can't fight it anymore. I will be starting my new semester of college tomorrow. I am hoping to take a few hours on my off day to focus on getting a plan out for the blogs for this week. 
2. I have been thinking and talking to a few of my friends and I will be asking a few of them to write guest blogs for me. About once a week.
3. If anyone has questions or comments please say them I would love to answer them or hear your thoughts.

The following is a conversation that my friend, JM and I had back in February. This was said long before I was rapped. But I feel that this conversation is very important to my mental health now more than ever. JM is one of my closest friends and I can't thank him enough to be here and helping me with all that I am working through.

• Suz: Care to listen?
• JM: Yeah. I don't mind. Allows me the chance to help out where I can.
• Suz: Well I've done a lot of stupid things over the past 9 months. On my 21st birthday, I met up with this guy who was married ... He was my first kiss and time.
• JM: Wow.
• Suz: Not my shinning moment.
• JM: Yeah ... I've done a few foolish things myself. What is important is that God *will* show mercy.
• Suz: Umm I may have become a slut.
• JM: Why do you say that?
• Suz: 17 guys in 9 months.
• JM: This will probably surprise you ... but that's pretty tame. Considering some of the stuff I've heard from others.
• Suz: Really wow.
• JM: Yeah, I know a few people who do even crazier stuff.
• Suz: Well thank you
• JM: Don't worry. I'm not going to hold that against you. You are not any less of a person.
• Suz: Well thank you for saying that I appreciate that.
• JM: We all do things that sometimes goes against our faith. But once again that's where God's mercy comes in. I know this one first hand. God made that one clear to me years ago during one of my own struggles.
• Suz: Well trying to figure that one out.
• JM: What do you mean?
• Suz: I don't believe that I can be loved by God.
• JM: I'm reminded every day that God is willing to forgive. We fall down we get back up. Rinse and repeat as needed. No one is perfect. I've had my own share of battles. In my darkest days ... God reached out and reminded me of his mercy. Even from things that we feel ashamed of. Which is why I'm passing the message onto you. People come to me because they know that while I am blunt with my opinions ... I am willing to listen. Something that I do pride myself in.

As I was writing this blog tonight I was talking to JM. He said something about how he see's me after me being rapped. 

• Suz: I take it you don't see me differently or blame me for being rapped.
• JM:  Do I even have to answer that? Of course not on both accounts. People who treat someone differently because of that are shallow and have no understanding or compassion in their hearts. You can't blame someone for something like that. You just can't.

Thanks JM. I know I hear it all the time but I need to hear it. It means a lot and helps me work through things.

Remember Everything - Five Finger Death Punch

Thanks,

Suz