Day 1: 09/07/12

I was rapped this past year.  It's so hard to say it let alone type it. As I type this it becomes permanent who ever wants to can see it. That scares me. what scares me more is the fact that I have to move on. Some days I want to run and hide. Other days I want to just do something stupid to help me deal with this. This is what i'm doing instead of something stupid.

How does someone move on from something like this? How does that work? How can I? I feel lost and alone. Every time I tell someone they seem to walk away from me. Every one says it's ok you will be fine, hang in there babe, it's ok honey, it wasn't your fault etc. etc. etc. It's annoying YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS LIKE! So stop pretending and don't give me the "i understand" head nod. It's frustrating and all i want to do is run, hide, and then curl up into a little ball and cry.

But that doesn't help me at all the one way I am getting through this is the four men in my life that I can't imagine living without you are my closest friends and the people who will never leave me. You are what help me get through this.

1. Tony: My Fiance'. The love of my life. The person who has been amazing through this and will never leave me alone and does what ever he can to help me though. Thanks, I love you more and more with each day.
2. Andrew: I've only known you for a littler over a year now. But your my best friend. You are my insane friend. The person who told me when I was doing something stupid and when I need to straighten up. But never yells when I don't take his advice. Thanks, your awesome and I'll miss you when you move.
3. George: You were my childhood best friend. We were part of the four musketeers. (Him, me, my sister and our best friend who i could have sworn was my sister) Who I haven't really seen or talked to in a few years. But when I need you, you will always be there for me. Thanks, I love you my little brother
4. Paul: Last but not least we have Paul. You and I have only known each other for a short amount of time but you are the person who on a bad night at 4 am when I don't want to wake anyone up I know i can call you just to talk or to just have someone be there with me. Thanks you mean the world to me.

This is my world. These are my people. We will see there this takes us but I know one thing. I will get better. I will be stronger. But most of all, one day I will be a whole person again.

About Today - The National

This is the song I can't stop listening to while I write this. Maybe I'll post a song for every post who knows. 

Thanks, 

Suz